April Ziemer, Editor

As I have mentioned before, I am getting my fair share of parade viewing in this summer. I still get just as excited when I see the Amery “City of Lakes” float roll past as I did at the first parade.

I have come to the realization there are definitely several “groups” that sit and watch parades.

Here is a breakdown of my observations:

Miss Jealous Janis-I swear at almost every parade I hear someone say how nice it is that ‘So and So’ was selected to be a Grand Marshal, only to follow with all of the reasons they themselves should have been the one selected. Those sitting near me have told me stories about how they have been on committees to cure blindness, they have all alone shipped blankets, dinners, wardrobes and board games to the needy in Timbuktu, in fact they are practically Nobel Peace Prize winners; yet they have never been named Grand Marshals. A lady once said to me, “Absurd, isn’t it?” I replied that it was insane. What I really wanted to tell her is that sometimes it is nice to see the unsung heroes lead a town parade, but I was too busy listening to the guy behind me…

Mr. Quincy Questions- I am surprised by the number of people I have come across with questions about everything they see go thru the parade. This past weekend I heard the gentleman behind me say, “We have a florist in town; when did we get a florist in town?” A few moments later I heard him say, “I didn’t know Frank was a member of the Legion. When did he join the Legion?” As fire trucks drove by he said, “Is that a new truck? When did they buy a new truck? How much is that costing taxpayers? I never heard about them buying a new truck, did you dear?” His wife never seemed to answer as she was too busy being a member of the next group…

Mrs. Francine Freebies-They give away all kinds of junk at parades. There are some people who just have to get their hands on every piece of it. I have seen grown women push over candy seeking children, just to get a grab at a free flyswatter, frisbee, can koozie and coupon. The inquisitive man sitting behind me last weekend had a wife who did just that. At one point she asked me, “Are you just going to throw away that flyer they handed you? If so, I will take it. I use them by our phone to jot down notes.” I gladly handed “Francine” my flyer and tuned into the lady to my left…

Ms. Penny Past-Princess-Ah, the glory days. We all love to re-live them, right? I say the only person who loves to re-live the glory days more than the 1974 quarterback who was cheated out of the State title, is a past member of a town’s royalty. “We never waved liked that,” I heard one say last weekend as a float of beauties passed by. She continued, “When you wave like that, you take the chance of someone seeing your armpits.” She went on to mention the girls had nice dresses. She said, “I hope they are not as warm as the polyester frocks we wore. They were GORGEOUS, but hotter than H-E-DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS!” She probably could have gone on and on, but she was interrupted by her husband…

Mr. Gary Gearhead-

When he saw a neighbor pulling a float, he asked his wife, “When did Johnson get rid of his Ford? I thought he would always be a Ford Guy. Why would he buy a Chevy?” Every classic car, each tractor and every boat pulled thru caused “Gary” to share information on the year, motor and overpriced version he had come across on Craigslist. I wasn’t too interested in his commentary, so I focused on another lady…

Mrs. Mama Mucho-Exasperated-I see her many places including the grocery store, the park and especially at parades. She is tired from hearing the cries of her children, “Mommy, can we get cotton candy?” “Mom, it’s soooo hot is this almost over?” “MOM, when do we get to go on rides?” She is frazzled and simply reminds the children sitting beside her to behave as she, “JUST WANTS A PICTURE OF YOUR SISTER IN THE PARADE!” As she turns to flag down the snow cone guy, she misses the picture. In case you haven’t guessed it, the mama is me. Oh well, there is always next weekend’s parade.

I enjoy sharing my thoughts with you and look forward to readers sharing their thoughts in return.

Feel free to email me at editor@theameryfreepress.com, write me at P.O. Box 424, Amery WI. 54001 or I can be reached by phone at 715-268-8101.

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